Perking the Pansies, Jack and Liam move to Turkey

Just imagine the absurdity of two openly gay, recently ‘married’ middle aged, middle class men escaping the liberal sanctuary of anonymous London to relocate to a Muslim country.

Jack and Liam, fed up with kiss-my-arse bosses and nose-to-nipple commutes, quit their jobs and move to a small town in Turkey. Join the culture-curious gay couple on their bumpy rite of passage. Meet the oddballs, VOMITs, vetpats, emigreys, semigreys, debauched waiters and middle England miseries. Enter Jack’s irreverent world for a right royal dose of misery and joy, bigotry and enlightenment, betrayal and loyalty, friendship, love, earthquakes, birth, adoption and murder. You couldn't make it up.

My debut book is a bitter-sweet tragi-comedy that recalls our first year as a British expat gay couple in a Muslim land. For more information, news and reviews please check my website. If you like to join us in our journey as expats and soon to be repats, please visit my blog.

From Expat to Repat

‘In the beginning there was work and work was God. After 35 years in the business, the endless predictability made me question the Faith.’

I wrote those words on the 8^th October 2010, the opening sentence of my debut post on a brand new blog about a couple of silly, cynical old queens who decided to jump the good ship Blighty and wade ashore to Asia Minor as gay semigreys (or is it semigays? No, that would be those who dip in and out). For a minority report, the blog’s done rather well. Now there’s a book. That’s done rather well too. Remarkable. Both crept up behind us without hint or herald. Maybe we should have listened to the early advice of our playground peers and kept our backs to the wall. Too late now.

We planned to stay in Turkey for a good few years, slowly descend into memory loss and erectile dysfunction disguised by a haze of alcohol, then paddle back to Blighty for the liver transplant and wait for the Grim Reaper’s call. Sadly, it’s not to be. I'd like to do author things and keep the pennies (and believe me I do mean pennies) rolling in. I can do neither in Turkey. There's another reason. An important reason. There are pressing family issues that cannot be ducked or delayed. If you have read the book you will understand:

"One day, our Turkish adventure might be curtailed. We were prepared." (Chapter 12)

That time has come.

Where will we be laying our hatboxes next? Well, there's a clue in the picture below. Hint - it's not in Soho.

Thank you Turkey for breaking the umbilical cord between wages and lifestyle. Thank you Turkey for giving me the time and space to write. Thank you Turkey for handing me a story of a plate. We hope one day to return. But, for now there’s no going back on going back.

The photo above is a picture of one of the great cathedrals of England but where is it? Answer correctly for the chance to win* a signed copy of Perking the Pansies, Jack and Liam move to Turkey. Submit your answer by commenting here.

*The winner will be chosen at random by Liam from correct entries submitted before 4th March 2012. Comments containing entries to the competition will not be published until after this date so no cheating. The book will be shipped free to the winner to any address in the UK or Turkey. Delivery elsewhere (Mongolia, the dark side of the Moon, etc) may incur charges depending on the cost. Those who already know the answer are banned (we know who you are).

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World AIDS Day

Today is World AIDS Day. Many will remember when AIDS raised its deadly head in the early Eighties. It was the dark ages of ignorance and astonishing bigotry. The tabloids pandered to the pond life with talk of a gay plague, the British Government terrified old ladies with images of tomb stones and people really did think you could catch it from a coffee cup. It took Princess Diana (among many others) and a seismic shift in social attitudes to make a difference. I was one of the lucky ones. I survived when many around me were dropping like flies.

These days we live in more enlightened times. Or do we? It depresses me that many young gay men in Britain and elsewhere think HIV is an ‘old man’s’ disease and even if they do become infected they think a pill a day will keep the doctor away. It’s true that in the West people generally live with HIV rather than die from it. But, AIDS isn’t hypertension or high cholesterol. Just like flu, HIV is a virus that mutates. The drugs that work today may not work tomorrow. Still, we should count our blessings. AIDS is still devastating many developing countries, particularly in Sub-Saharan Africa where access to expensive combination therapy is pie in the sky. AIDS affects the most sexually active and the most sexually active are also the most economically active. It’s a double whammy, more destructive than war or famine.

The rate of HIV infection in Turkey is mercifully low (according to official statistics) but with a long incubation period who really knows? Education is the key to prevention but meaningful sex education is thin on the ground here. Last year the Turkish Daily News published an article on the subject. It seems people don’t like to talk about the issue. It goes against the cultural grain. The common condom is not so common because nobody has extra-marital sex and adultery never happens. Head and sand spring to mind. And what of the legion of Shirley Valentines washed up on our shores every summer who fall for the considerable charms of the hunky waiter with the come to bed eyes? Listen up ladies, slip the French letters into your sequined clutch bag and get your man to cover up.

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