From Expat to Repat

‘In the beginning there was work and work was God. After 35 years in the business, the endless predictability made me question the Faith.’

I wrote those words on the 8^th October 2010, the opening sentence of my debut post on a brand new blog about a couple of silly, cynical old queens who decided to jump the good ship Blighty and wade ashore to Asia Minor as gay semigreys (or is it semigays? No, that would be those who dip in and out). For a minority report, the blog’s done rather well. Now there’s a book. That’s done rather well too. Remarkable. Both crept up behind us without hint or herald. Maybe we should have listened to the early advice of our playground peers and kept our backs to the wall. Too late now.

We planned to stay in Turkey for a good few years, slowly descend into memory loss and erectile dysfunction disguised by a haze of alcohol, then paddle back to Blighty for the liver transplant and wait for the Grim Reaper’s call. Sadly, it’s not to be. I'd like to do author things and keep the pennies (and believe me I do mean pennies) rolling in. I can do neither in Turkey. There's another reason. An important reason. There are pressing family issues that cannot be ducked or delayed. If you have read the book you will understand:

"One day, our Turkish adventure might be curtailed. We were prepared." (Chapter 12)

That time has come.

Where will we be laying our hatboxes next? Well, there's a clue in the picture below. Hint - it's not in Soho.

Thank you Turkey for breaking the umbilical cord between wages and lifestyle. Thank you Turkey for giving me the time and space to write. Thank you Turkey for handing me a story of a plate. We hope one day to return. But, for now there’s no going back on going back.

The photo above is a picture of one of the great cathedrals of England but where is it? Answer correctly for the chance to win* a signed copy of Perking the Pansies, Jack and Liam move to Turkey. Submit your answer by commenting here.

*The winner will be chosen at random by Liam from correct entries submitted before 4th March 2012. Comments containing entries to the competition will not be published until after this date so no cheating. The book will be shipped free to the winner to any address in the UK or Turkey. Delivery elsewhere (Mongolia, the dark side of the Moon, etc) may incur charges depending on the cost. Those who already know the answer are banned (we know who you are).

You might also like:

In the Beginning

Seismic Change

London Cleans Up After Riots

The nasty riots that raged across London and other cities seem to have thankfully abated. There’s been a lot of easy talk about Broken Britain and knee-jerk reactions from here today, gone tomorrow politicians with their silly sound-bites who play to the gallery. What’s broken can be fixed but it takes everyone to do their bit. The indomitable spirit of the overwhelming number of Brits of all hues will overcome those who trash their own.

This is an incredible amateur video of a brave woman who challenged the rioters. If you don't like swearing then I suggest you don't watch this clip.

You might also like to read:

Riots in London

Huddled Masses

Riots in London

London's burning and the rising anger felt by most about the three nights of viral riots that escalated across the Capital and other major British cities is understandable. It’s easy to take a lock ‘em up and throw away the key attitude to those stupid people binging on recreational looting and casual arson. Even a bleeding heart pinko liberal like me feels a sense of revulsion when witnessing inner city hoodies in designer trainers, wielding iron bars and Blackberries and rampaging through the streets. I’ve read calls for social networks like Twitter and Facebook to be closed down as if this was the problem. It isn’t. I’ve heard people ask ‘Where are the water cannons?’ There aren’t any. I’ve read calls for the army to clear the streets. I’ve even heard calls for the imposition of martial law. Britain isn’t Syria. However, Britain is France and these riots bear an uncanny resemblance to those that engulfed Paris and other French cities in 2005. Let’s try and keep a sense of proportion. Of course, law and order must be firmly restored but then we need to examine the why. Is this a case of sub-class, out of control feral kids with little care for their families or communities? Or is it a case of a lost-generation, disenfranchised youth with few prospects and a bleak future? Like most things the truth lies somewhere in between.

Also:

Bodrum Belles
Britain's Got Talent

Imagine Two Historic Nations

Imagine two historic nations once united under Rome, fiercely independent and suspicious of a new pan-European empire formed by a Treaty in Rome. Imagine two historic nations anchored to the edge of Europe but chained to it economically. Imagine two historic nations with a political and cultural heritage so immense that they have transformed the world. Imagine two historic nations finally emerging from the long shadow of empire destroyed by world war and trying to forge a modern role. There are more similarities between Britain and Turkey than many realise.

Of course there are major differences too. The liberal traditions that define a mature nation have only shallow roots in Turkey. Nevertheless, my foster home is changing, and changing fast. Solid economic growth is establishing a burgeoning bourgeoisie who will alter Turkey forever. Socially and geographically mobile, well-educated consumers who want the best opportunities for themselves and their children always effect change. There is a demographic difference too. Britain is a country with an ageing population that needs a steady stream of young immigrants to function. Conversely, fifty per-cent of Turkey’s population is under thirty with too few jobs to go around. I hear unconfirmed rumours along the corridors of power in Brussels that the EU may be forced to relax its stringent visa restrictions for Turks. Interesting. Lonely ladies of London be afraid, be very afraid.

Given the obvious connections between our pasts and our futures, we Brits really ought to do more to celebrate our ties with Turkey. Sure, bargain bucket resorts are all very well and vital to the Turkish economy. Double egg and chips with a side order of lascivious expat gossip can be a delicious (if emotionally calorific) tit-bit. There is, however, so much more to discover than is found on the pages of a Thomas Cook brochure. Let's start an On the Ege campaign to persuade more of our compatriots to step off the sun-kissed beaches and out of the homogeneous Brit-bars. Let's sober up and go exploring like the wandering Brits of our glorious past. 

I happen to live in Bodrum on the same street as one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World (a happy co-incidence). The magnificent Mausoleum of Halicarnassus (Bodrum that was) was constructed to inter the remains of King Mausolus in 350 BC (hence the origin of the word mausoleum). Apparently, the building survived virtually intact for seventeen centuries before it was felled by an earthquake in the middle ages. What remained was plundered by the Knights of St John to build the imposing crusader castle that now dominates the town. That’s the medieval Christians for you. No respect for ancient history. It seems those naughty knights weren’t the only pilferers of antiquities judging by the age-old dressed stones and fragments of an Ionian capital that litter our garden. This is just a tiny example of the wonders around us, a place where history lies casually underfoot. Now you don’t get that in Bognor.

More on On the Ege